Faux Real

Blogging

2011-08-07T00:17:00.001-07:00

Let's get real. I hate updating this blog. I do however often have the desire to write and so I have started a new project. My dear friends...or those who occasionally look at this...I've started a new blog. Unfortunately it's not going to be about what kind of cupcakes I made or what outfit I wore today (wink, wink Haylie) but if you're interested, you can follow all my crazy stories on www.insidethosecitylimits.blogspot.com It's just beginning, but it's gonna (and I don't use slang unless I'm proving a very important point) be good!

Summer Residence

2011-06-29T18:44:00.000-07:00

I really have no excuse and no guilt for my lack of blogging. Until I find a renewed energy or desire to blog about my thoughts, outrages, and/or daily adventures I will simply state my whereabouts. (I should mention, however, that I rather enjoy all the other blogs so keep up the good work!)

Summer 2011: New York City

Summer Reel

2010-08-11T22:22:00.000-07:00

How I've spent my summer:

I pool daily
I hike rarely
I coached Team Deathstar on to dominating victory
I choreographed this little beauty (needless to say we won gold)
I make homemade oreos on a daily basis
I sang at the Days of '47 Rodeo (in a diamond studded, red leather belt)

I watch every Marilyn Monroe movie I can find
I was treated to numerous pedicures (never doing my own toes again)
I threw Kelly a fabulous shower (complete with new shoes for every place she'd lived)

I boat frequently
I flew to California only to drive back the next day
And to top it all off I attended the most wonderful wedding of the season

All in all quite an enjoyable and successful way to spend a summer

The Engagement

2010-06-21T17:40:00.000-07:00

Have you ever seen anything more darling? I am so happy with how aesthetically pleasing this couple is...

and I like them a lot too

Back to School

2010-01-30T22:28:00.000-08:00

Apparently 4 years of college was not enough for me. This time around it is a little different.

The school records classify me as a freshman--highly offensive
The professors take it off your grade if you don't go to class--power hungry
People smoke on campus--idots, it's 2010 who still smokes?
They are making me use MLA citation style--I am very partial to Chicago
I now leave my house an hour before class starts--used to take 7 minutes
There are more books in my house than in the university library--I miss Harold
I have to read about 32 books this semester--the thought makes me a little brain dead

Weber State is a whole new adventure...but it is no BYU

The Wonderfuls

2009-10-10T11:08:00.001-07:00

Wonderful #1

September 25

this little guy came into our family

Weston Robert Clark

(you may sigh)

Wonderful #2

Adam Jeffrey recieved his mission call to Oaxaca, Mexico.

He leaves on February 4 and he will be wonderful.

Bonnie is convinced that after these two wonderfuls in one year, she must have a third in the form of a wedding...I'm not so sure

Part 3: Pray this will be the last one

2009-07-15T15:41:00.001-07:00

Because one's company, two's a crowd, but three's a party.

My Child Part 2

2009-07-01T17:39:00.001-07:00

Meet Lucy aka Lulu.

It may look like we are replacing Sunny before he is even gone....which we are. Just don't tell him that, it's a sensitive subject.

My Child

2009-06-22T16:02:00.000-07:00

Yes it's true...I have a child. I thought it was something that only happened to other, more negligent single people. But no. When it comes, it comes fast and unexpected. I feel all the pains and expenses of parenthood through my aged golden retriever. 11 years ago I named him Sunny because we procured him in Sun Valley, Idaho. (This was before I had the personality to come up with a more creative name) But he has been the best dog ever. The type to run alongside cars entering and exiting the driveway with no thought to his own personal safety. One with a most dangerous ever-wagging tail that has the possibility of knocking out a three year old. And a lovable gaurd dog who would most likely greet a burgler and assist in carrying things out of the house.

My life now revolves around Sunny who has arthritis accompanied by a perpetual limp, infections on his front paws from licking too much, a very suspicious lump on the side of his body, and a thyroid problem that zaps all his energy and inhibits his ability to grow hair in certain areas. So as a loving parent I make sure I am home at two specific times of the day to administer his pills. Which I purchase every 2 weeks for $155! Keeping in mind that if the pills are not given to him in a certain manner, he will spit them back up, causing me to find them on the garage floor and try again. Pills that expensive cannot be wasted. He follows me around waiting for his treats that make his breath smell good. If I am in his sight and am not petting him he paws at my leg until I start. And if I ever touch a cat, he jealously pushes his face next to mine, often stepping on the cat to do so. And on top of it all I take him to the vet twice a month where the other dogs mock my poor baby for his lack of hair and overall sorry presentation. But I love him and will keep taking care of him until he dies...which may be very soon.

Here is where I would post a picture of him but he has already been humiliated enough in real life with his bald spots and cone of shame that I do not want to slander his name on the internet as well. But this is what he once looked like. Love him

My Life

2009-04-13T17:09:00.000-07:00

I recently, as in two days ago, moved back from Washington D.C. and now must discover what to do with the rest of my life. I am graduating from BYU, why they let me out so soon is beyond me. People want me to get a "real" job. Certain cities want my sarcasm and charm, certain cities don't. Someone wants me to pick out a new car. Some want me to stay at home forever, some want me to leave asap. All these decisions need to be made...but they are certainly not going to be made by me.

Instead I am going to spend the summer traveling. I have many options: Hawaii, Lake Powell, Europe, California, New York, Havasuppi etc. I am not going to get a part time job nor am I going to apply for any "real" jobs. Why would I want to be tied down? I am going to let someone just give me a car. And I am going to travel from the homestead to friends couches thus eliminating the need for an apartment or a decision as to which city to live in.

Just because I am graduating does not mean I need to grow up. Why start now anyways? I love being faux real!

Why I like the Parents

2009-03-08T16:00:00.000-07:00

For those of you who don't know, my parents are pretty cool people. Here are some reasons I like them.

Bonnie makes me little snack packs so I don't get too hungry while in class
Jeff will go to McDonalds to get hot fudge sundays (extra fudge no nuts) at any time during the day or late hours of the night
Bonnie taught me to never leave the house without doing my hair
Jeff taught me that I can marry more money in 5 minutes than I can make in a lifetime
Bonnie has been to every significant and even all insignificant events in my life
Jeff came with her to all those silly events and took pictures
Bonnie lets me wear her clothes...she's more stylish than I am
Jeff would let me wear his clothes if I was a boy...he is also more stylish than I am
They play Ticket to Ride with me and Kelly numerous times a day
They let me and Kelly (sometimes begrudgingly) crawl into their bed when they are trying to go to sleep
They always want me to move home

And they are so pretty! I love them lots

Subway vs. Metro

2009-02-14T06:46:00.000-08:00

A few reason as to why I love Washington DC's metro system and HATE New York's

New York calls it a subway... that just irks me
New York's subway is the dirtiest place in the world while DC's is the cleanest... well the cleanest place underground.
There are people who actually live in the New York subway and never come out! If you don't believe me just go down there, you will either see a real subway person or the evidence of their underground life.
DC has little signs that tell you what train is coming and how many minutes you have to wait. In New York you wait for twenty minutes and then if you are lucky an announcement will be made stating the train will not be there for another twenty minutes.
Just yesterday I saw a man who looked like a woman and a woman who looked like a man in the New York subway. Imagine my confusion.
You are likely to contract a number of incurable diseases in the New York subway.

Needless to say, take a taxi when in New York. Don't risk your personal health and sanity.

Faux Real

2009-02-02T18:53:00.000-08:00

Obviously I have recently renamed my blog. Let me offer a little explanation for those who are not accustomed to this term. Amongst my family and close friends I am not seen as an adult/"real" person. It's been this way since I can remember and I hope it stays. Here are the facts.

I am 22
In 2 months time I will graduate with a bachelors degree
I moved out of the parents house at age 18
I have held a job all through my college years
I am currently living in Washington DC

I believe these events would constitute any normal person as "real." But not me, oh no there is much more to me. No matter how old I get or the numerous adventures I undertake, some things will never change.

People will always be shocked to find that A. I am capable of working, and B. until my recent move, I have had the same legitimate job for 3 years.
Although I pay for the majority of my life, my dad always ends up funding things like new shoes...sometimes without his knowledge.
All my siblings take good care of me. This may be bold but it's possible that I am the darling of the family.
I am what you may call a young spirit. So in the mindset of those closest to me I am more 17 than 22.
No matter how old I get the parents will always want me to move back in with them.

So you see, by normal standards I am a "real" person but this does not suit me. It is much better to continue shocking everyone by accomplishing what "real" people consider normal life events. These life events may be normal but when you're faux real they're extraordinary!

Inaugural Weekend

2009-01-21T20:24:00.000-08:00

This last weekend I joined in on the Obama-Rama that swept over the entire district. It is highly likely that I was the only one participating in the festivities that did not actually vote for Obama. However, I dawned my Obama shirt and stood in every crowd I could find all weekend. All my digits were completely frozen and it is a small miracle they are still in use today. It was incredible to be able to be part of such a historical event though. It was one big frenzy and completely out of control but I enjoyed it. I especially enjoyed the concert on Sunday on the mall where some of my idols, i.e. Garth Brooks, performed on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial, and the concert on Monday night which included Nothin but Strings, Aretha Franklin, and the Let Freedom Ring Choir. If you are thinking a concert with Aretha would be amazing because finally you would experience "Respect" live, you would be dissapointed. This was more like "chirch" as they call it, with a little bit of socialism thrown in there. But the music was amazing! I do love a good gospel choir. Oh yes, and the actual inauguration was great too.

One section of the mass of people at Sunday's concert.

A student at the school where I teach designed this. I just couldn't resist.

Washington DC

2009-01-11T14:07:00.000-08:00

I finally made up my mind and moved out to Washington D.C. I am student teaching at Duke Ellington School of the Arts. For those of you who know me personally, a school of the arts is the perfect place for me. The students just love to entertain! Life out here is very different from Provo but so far incredibly enjoyable.

I live with seven other girls in a penthouse in Arlington, VA. Now penthouse conjures images of grandeur and class--while this may be true, no matter how big an apartment is, eight girls is a whole lot.
Without a car, I am becoming very adept at using the metro and bus system. However, after numerous attempts to get to school by myself the other day I ended up on completely the wrong bus and the driver had to take a different route just for me. Sweet old man.
We have an amazing mall nearby that harbors my mother ship-Nordstroms, and finally we found a grocery store just on the other side of said mall. Yesterday, on my way home from the grocer, laden down with shoes numerous bags, I decided it a perfect time to spend an hour trying on shoes at Nordy's. The groceries occupied an entire couch, but how convenient that all my basic needs can be met in one trip!
I caved to the liberal atmosphere that surrounds me and bought an Obama t-shirt. As a justification, this is one of a kind and was designed by a former student at my school. I had to support--don't judge
As it turns out I should have had a T.B. test before moving out here. So I spent an evening running around a sketchy part of town looking for someone to shoot me up with a small amount of consumption. Success! I have concerns about what disease they actually injected into my arm.

It's only been a week but it has been a long one. It is getting close to inauguration so I am frantically trying to find a senator's son to invite me to one of the balls. If not, I will just proudly don my Obama shirt and join the masses at the parade. This is definately an adventure.

Rise and Shout

2008-12-13T14:43:00.000-08:00

As I walk around campus in my last week at BYU I suddenly am seeing everything for the first time. As excited I am to move to DC and graduate, I often feel tears coming on as I contemplate the remarkable 70's architecture that constitutes my university. As I study for the last finals I will ever take in the testing center, I feel it necessary to outline why I love BYU. So here is an ode to my alma mater.

Why I love being a Cougar

1. As soon as a leaf falls, there is member of the Grounds Crew ready and waiting to catch it up. Leaving BYU the most immaculate campus.

2. We don't believe in calling anything by its real name, instead we prefer acronyms and nicknames. And so we lovingly refer to our buildings as the Wilk, the JSB, the Swicket, the H-fac, and the Marb, among others. And although nobody remembers this building I have it on good authority that the old JFSB building (previously the Smith Family Living Center) was referred to as the Syphilis. How I wish I took class in there!

3. Bronco Mendenhall and football season. Enough said

4. As a semi-resident of the Harold B. Lee Library, my fellow studious friends and I formed the 5th Floor Family years ago. We know everyone who studies on the North side of the 5th floor and get upset when new comers think they can just take up space. There has been talk of plaque-ing the tables with our names, in our memories. I will miss the family and Harold deeply.

5. When it's warm Cecil drives around campus in a golf cart and waves to us.

6. I always feel safe. Even on Rape Hill, which I frequently trekked late at night, there are 911 alert phones placed short distances from one another. In case of an attack, just run over and push the button. I am confident that by the time someone showed up, the attacker would have just finished introducing himself and discussing his intentions. No harm done.

7. Where else can you find dear souls running around campus in socks and tivas, pulling a back-pack on rollers, and singing not-so-quietly to themselves?

8. The bells play a little diddy from Come Come Ye Saints every 15 minutes. Once a day they play a whole song, which is really impressive. And during December they play Christmas carols. It's delightful.

I could keep going, the advantages of this institution are endless. Needless to say, I love BYU.

Do I really want to be a teacher?

2008-11-14T21:34:00.001-08:00

Recently I completed my practicum which is the few weeks spent in a classroom teaching/observing in order to prepare for student teaching next semester. I taught the French Revolution, Napoleon, Romantic Movement, and the Industrial Revolution during my three weeks at Timpanogos High. As a history teacher in training these are subjects I am qualified to teach although had you been a witness to these endeavors, you could have formed very different conclusions. So, as I was trudging through this ridiculously large unit did I find myself being greeted with smiling faces, eager to learn every day? Did I enjoy pouring knowledge into thirsty little minds? Quite the contrary. As it turns out, high school history classes are devoid of smiling faces, apathetic towards knowledge, and the minds of the pubescent teenagers are solely focused on food, friends, and sleep. There is no room for the Radical Revolution in there. If you have ever encountered one of these creatures imagine looking into the blank faces of thirty of them all day while they pass cruel judgements on you because you and your teaching partner, by some cruel twist of fate, showed up in nearly matching outfits...almost everyday. Is this what my practicum was like, yes. Did I love it? Not so much. Do I have an outstanding love for teaching? Well not right now. Maybe I should reconsider my life course and just stay as a recess guard at the elementary school. Where all the boys have crushes on me, the girls tell me all their secrets, and because I can dunk it on those tiny basketball hoops, I almost always win lightning. Ahh, that is the life.
In the long run, I did come to find that I highly enjoy the sarcastic snottiness of high-schoolers...probably because they sound just like me. Yes, although I have long since graduated from good old Weber, grand old Weber, it just so happens that my mentality is still that of a teenager. So why do I want to be a teacher? Because it gives me a perfect excuse to hang out all day with people just like me.

Back-flips and swings

2008-09-29T16:29:00.000-07:00

Today as I was watching my favorite group of 6th graders do back-flips off the swings I began reminiscing about all my funny moments at Rock Canyon and wishing someone could laugh with me. Luckily one of my assignments for my educational technology class is a blog so here I am. Anyways I was watching the kids do back-flips which sounds dangerous and if you're thinking I, as a responsible teacher shouldn't allow these acrobatic playground feats, well you would hate to stop them too. They are just too fun. For example...
A. Mason made me watch him do a flip over Jordan's head right after he told me I was beautiful and cool.
B. After I removed my jacket Ben promptly put it on and received all sorts of compliments about how awesome his new jacket was. I wasn't aware I was wearing elementary boy's fashions. C. Ky invited me to his football game tonight where his team was going to kill Britton's team. (Britton obviously disagreed)
D. Jenny and Haylie thought the on going flag football game was completely out of hand and so appointed themselves as the official refs. The way they were calling things I'm pretty sure they were Pac 10.
E. Weslee never misses the days when I wake up late, stating that I don't look so good without make-up. (She is also the one who constantly informs me that I need to get married)
F. They also often email, text, and occasionally call me. I don't know how they got my contact info but I'm not surprised. G. As soon as they use the phrase but you're the cool teacher they know they can get away with just about anything, short of harming a fellow eleven year old.

I could keep going but I trust that is enough to make my point. Elementary kids are hilarious!